That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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