non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
