This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
