Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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