So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
