These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
