smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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