well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
