In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
