And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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