Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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