direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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