No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
