i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
