Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
