it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
