i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
