And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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