I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
