You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
