ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
