Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
