Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
