to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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