She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
