Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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