I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
