i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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