none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
