if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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