it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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