: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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