Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
