My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
