Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
