i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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