even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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