just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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