Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
