You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
