The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
