I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
