You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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