Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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