oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
