the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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