Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
