I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
