OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
