if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i wish my penis had a tongue
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
