If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
