I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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