I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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