There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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