Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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