just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Randomize
