I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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